This week the family has taken me on a trip to the Tuscan countryside. I had committed myself to staying solo in Palau for a week but at the last minute, Camilla pulled a cute moment on me and asked if I could come with her. And as they are staying at a converted farmhouse villa with two pools and a tennis court, surprisingly it wasn’t too hard to convince me.

We took the ferry instead of flying to mainland Italy and this was a novelty to me. As it turns out, I am not made for long voyages on a boat. Also the ferry’s decor reminded me of the inside of a cheap casino in Vegas so I wouldn’t quite have an elegant death like Jack in Titanic (no string piece quartet to send me down to my watery grave). 

We arrived at Livorno at 7am and planned on driving to our Villa however as we didn’t have any set time to get there, we decided on the scenic route. I wasn’t aware till later that this meant we were driving to a town called Lari to find a particular brand of home made pasta that is a family favourite. Now if you ever need to know a couple things about me, it’s that I have three great loves; food, Harry Potter and anything remotely historically related.

Lari it turns out, is a town so steeped in history, that the medieval castle and surrounding buildings have remained relatively untouched. I fell in love instantly. There is only one other city in the world that has dug it’s way into my heart like this and that’s Sintra, Portugal. As timing would have it, we managed to sneak a peek at the owner making his famous pasta by hand. Introductions were made, cups of teas were handed out and we ended up walking away with 3 kilos of free pasta. So far, this morning was a giant success. We headed to our villa and spent the rest of the day and the next morning by the swimming pool and on the tennis court.

  
This brings me to the surprise. After lunch it was decided we’d go have a look at the thermal baths in Asciano. I had never been to a thermal bath before so the first thing to hit me was the smell. Eggs. This is a natural SULFUR thermal bath. Fantastic. We walked in and it’s beautiful. Sleek design, fours pools, onsite hotel and spa and day beds for days. I find I don’t mind the smell quite as much. But the Next surprise was when I stepped into the pool. 

Now I have a deep mistrust of anything the slightest bit squishy between my toes. I don’t go near seaweed, foot massages are not my thing and wet socks are the devil. So imagine my face when the moment my feet touch the bottom of the pool, my toes have sunk in sludge. I pig squealed. People stared. My family was embarrassed. It turns out, no one else seems to have an issue with the feeling of wet fungus between their toes. 

The final surprise; everyone’s face was coated in said sludge. Yes people where scooping the white substance off the floor and plastering their skin with it. I was invited to try it. I was explained how beneficial it was for your skin. How it’s a natural antiseptic and only made of sulphur and bicarbonate soda. So I did. And it was terrible. The smell. I can only describe it as a cross between rotten eggs and foot fungus. Literally the smell of hundreds of thousands of foot fungusy feet stamping and swishing around in bicarb soda and then being constantly washed and immersed in sulphur water. I was afraid to open my mouth. There are plenty of natural substances which you should not put on your face and I’m pretty sure this is one of them. In fact pigeon poo is the closest thing I can think of to accurately describe the feel and smell. 

I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the whole experience. In fact, smell withstanding, it was quite relaxing. And the following morning, I felt like I had a more even complexion. But I much prefer lying on a beach, cocktail in hand and not having my face covered in sulphuric pigeon poo.