Ciao Amici,

So it has been nearly two months since my departure and I know you all are in such anticipation for volume 2 of things I have learnt. So here is a couple of minutes of relief from work;

1. Italian coffee is the drink of gods. I’m not exaggerating when I say that my veins are filled with more coffee then blood. Breakfast time: cappuccino, morning tea: espresso, after lunch apperatiff: espresso, afternoon tea: espresso, after dinner apperatiff: limoncello or espresso. At this rate, if you want any work done, I’m going to need a cup of coffee in my hand at all times. Serious consideration for an espresso machine at every desk Janine. Put it in the next clerical meeting minutes!

2. I don’t know who started the rumor that Australians are experienced drinkers but compared to Italians, we’re like frat boys at a party. We drink to get drunk and destroy our dignity (well majority of us do anyway). Italians drink in a refined manner. They have a  glass of wine or beer (vino o berre) for lunch and/or dinner and if the go “out to drink” they generally have no more then 3 or 4 standard drinks. After dinner apperatiff is when the hard stuff comes out, limoncello. They call it a “digestive”, I call it a death shot. It’s pretty much lemon flavored pure alcohol served in a shot glass. It must be sipped, not shot, otherwise you will burn a hole in your throat. Silvia finds it hilarious that I have to chase her homemade “digestive” with water. I’m pretty sure she’s made her batch with extra ratio of alcohol but she assures me it’s normal. Yeah. Righto.

3. When being served food at a family dinner, the following rules apply: no means yes, yes means a few more servings and BASTA, PER FAVORE (stop please) means just another spoonful. There is no such thing as I’m not hungry (or “non fame”). If your not hungry it means your sick, and if your sick maybe you need a digestive! (See above) The same rules apply for beverages.

4. I have a feeling I never ever will be tempted to be behind the wheel of a moving object whilst on an Italian road. I was recently asked by Silvia “do you want to drive the car around while your over here?” My answer was a definitive “No!”
S – “how bout the scooter?” 
J – “No”
S -“the bike?”
J – “Not gunna happen!” because giving me less of a barrier between me and the hard road is more of an incentive? No.
Even being a passenger of a car is terrifying. I’ve yet to see a straight stretch of road and turn signals, pedestrian crossings and stop signs are optional.

5. I’m currently attending an Italian course and I feel like I’m in primary school. The 6 year old has to help me with my homework! I can ask and answer basic phrases and I might be able to understand 40% of what an Italian is saying but if they ask me a direct question, I feel like my mouth is stuffed with cotton balls and my brain has gone blank. So far my response to a unfamiliar question is mostly “ehh scusa … Uhh non parlo Italiano?” Or “io parlo un’poco Italian?” And I always say my answer like a question because I have no clue if what I said is correct or (thanks to a Mexican friend that works at the school and has been teaching me questionable phrases) if I have just offended them. Usually I can tell by the hand gesture or if their eyes are bulging from their faces if that’s the case. Pronunciation is a vital difference between having your question answered or being punched in the face. So far no punched have been thrown yet, hand gestures on the other hand ….. 

So there you have it, 5 important lessons I have learnt or been reminded of.

You’ve been schooled,

Joce